Never Say Goodbye
by Autumn Felicity Summers
Summary: In Response to Ghost Challenge posted at WIKTT. Though this one has many twists to it. Chapter 1 reloaded! SSHG
1. Chapter 1

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_**NEVER SAY GOODBYE**_

_Autumn Felicity Summers _

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**CHAPTER 1**

**OF NO LIFE, NO DEATH, NO GHOST**

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Hermione closed her eyes and rubbed her head. This was hard – _very_, _very_, _very_ _hard_! How could she have so underestimated the Potions Master's – the _late_ Potions Master's intelligence?

"Miss Granger, would you get out of my office now?"

"_NO_!" she yelled unceremoniously.

Snape was shocked at first, but then his brows drew together in a scowl. "Miss Granger…"

"YOU'RE _DEAD_, DAMN IT! CAN'T YOU _UNDERSTAND_ THAT?"

Snape looked positively sceptical. "Miss Granger, I think the Cruciatus Curse has affected more than your right leg – it has affected your brain. If I were dead, won't I be in the… well, wherever the dead go?"

"You're a _ghost_," said Hermione about the fifteenth time since the star of their argument half an hour ago.

Snape lifted up his hand and brought it to her face. "Ghosts are silver and white, Miss Granger, what colour is my sleeve? _Black_! Now that you know that I am not dead, would you get out?"

As Hermione stared at the black sleeve, an idea struck her. Oh, it was _so_ simple! Why hadn't she thought of it before?

"Yes, its black," she said calmly, "and you still have to explain why. However, if you were alive, do you think I would be able to do this?"

And she clasped – or tried to clasp his hand, but her hand went right through his.

The look on Snape's face was such as she would have treasured for a long time to come – he was _absolutely_ _gobsmacked_!

"H-How…t-this… but…" he stared at his hand and then at hers, and then lifted his eyes to her face.

As she saw his face darkening with anger, she knew that she was in for another round of convincing the Potions Master that he was dead.

"WHAT DID YOU PUT INTO MY _COFFEE_?"

Thoroughly exasperated with him and irritated at the defeat of her best idea, she stood up and fixed a glare on him.

"Okay, _enough_ _is_ _enough_! I respect you so I didn't want to make it hard for you. But you leave me no choice. I don't _care_ whether you believe it or not, sir, I am here as the Potions Professor – temporary until Dumbledore finds a fully qualified teacher. However, I would much appreciate it if you were not to interfere in my work!"

"You are mad, girl!"

"Go to _hell_ for all I care!"

"Miss Granger, don't touch _my_ quill!" he hissed at her.

Hermione ignored him and turned to the file labelled "Lesson Plans".

"The _nerve_ of you! Get out of here, woman!"

Hermione slowly lifted up her head and looked stonily at him. "_Make_ _me_."

"Insolent, silly girl!" hissed Snape, and advanced towards her.

Hermione ignored him and continued with her work. Moments later, she felt a chill envelope her arm. Shuddering, she looked up to see that Snape had unsuccessfully tried to wrench her arm to throw her out of his office.

Snape pulled back his hand. "What have you done to me, girl?"

"I have done nothing to you. It was Lucius Malfoy who killed you," said Hermione, turning back to her work once more and trying to concentrate on it.

Snape scowled fiercely at her. "Granger…"

There was a loud bang as Hermione hit her hands against the table and got up. "I _know_ you didn't _want_ to die. I _know_ you wanted to avenge the death of your family. I _know_, Professor, I _know_. But how difficult can it be to come to terms with your death? Can you not _feel_ that you are dead? Can you not feel that you are not hungry, not thirsty, you gave no needs like that of a _normal_ human-being?"

Snape was thoughtful for a long time.

He then looked at his hand and turned his eyes back to her. "I do not, but that does not mean I am dead."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you are unwilling to believe something so obvious, Professor. I will, however, not put up with it more than I have to because it is insane. I am trying to justify myself to a _ghost_!"

She gathered her files and picking up her cloak, went towards the door which lead to Snape's, no, _her_ quarters.

"MISS GRANGER, STOP THIS INSTANT!"

In a flash, Hermione had pulled out her wand and was pointing it straight at Snape. "I know exorcism quite well, Professor. Believe it or not, you won't like it."

Snape smirked. "Just to prove my point, Miss Granger, I will allow you to hex me with any exorcist spell you might know."

Hermione stared hard at him. Her hand trembled slightly and she lowered it with a sigh.

"_Why_ are you being so difficult?" she asked, sounding tired and gloomy.

"Because you won't believe me, Miss Granger."

"What do you want me to believe? That you are _not_ dead? However can I do that when I know that you are? You feel so like a ghost when you _touch_ me – all cold and icy. I can even _see_ _through_ _you_ if I stare hard enough. _You_ _do_ _not_ _breathe_! You do not need anything which humans – _living_ _ones_ – do. And you say that you are alive? Give me _proof_ and I will believe you."

Though Hermione closed the door behind her, Snape walked right through it.

"See, you even walked in uninvited," said Hermione dryly.

"Miss Granger, when did I claim to be _alive_?"

Hermione threw her cloak on the couch and stared questioningly at him.

"What are you if not alive? Dead! _Exactly_ what I am trying to tell you!"

"I am not dead, either."

Hermione sat down on the couch, her head in her hands. "Let me get this straight. You are not alive. You are not dead. You are not a ghost. WHAT _ARE_ YOU THEN?"

Sighing, Snape settled down on his customary chair in front of the fireplace. "I wish I knew what I have landed myself into."

Hermione got up and came round to where he was sitting. In the light from the hearth, he seemed ethereal, as if he was made of glass. And though such a picture would have seemingly been more suitable for an Adonis, it suited Snape.

"You have some inkling about your fix, then?" demanded Hermione, her hands on her hips.

Snape reached for the book on the table next to his chair, but his hand went right through it. He frowned.

Hermione shrugged, then turned and went to his – no, _her_ bedroom.

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Hermione lay down on the bed fully clothed. It wasn't something new for her anyway. She had often done that the month before the NEWTs. However, this time it wasn't due to exhaustion or nervousness. No, it was due to the feeling of utter helplessness that was engulfing her.

_Snape_… she cringed even as she thought of him. She wondered how she had thought that she could ever in her life even respect that man. Dumbledore, for some extremely strange reason, had left to her the job of convincing Snape that he was dead.

How could she when the man didn't even listen to her?

She made a mental note to hex Dumbledore into the next century.

Rubbing her eyes, she turned towards the window.

It was a full moon night. She could see the moon from the window. Years ago, when she had been a little girl sleeping with her big chocolate-coloured teddy bear, she had loved to watch the full moon as she said her prayers. For her, moon was something to be venerated… something that would fulfil all desires… something where God lived.

But now… it was nothing but a painful reminder of a lost friend. Remus Lupin.

She had always had a soft corner in her heart for the werewolf. It wasn't as if she pitied him. No, she admired him. She admired his strength of character, his understanding.

_Oh_ _Merlin_! How she wished that Snape had at least _one_ of these qualities in him! It would make her job so much easier.

But it was _Severus_ _Snape_, wasn't it? He was born to make things difficult for _everybody_.

"Miss Granger, I hope you are decent because I am coming in there."

She made no response. She really didn't want to talk to the man.

"I will take your silence as affirmative."

And moments later, Snape glided into her bedroom. And he called Gryffindors rude!

Hermione didn't turn. She kept staring at the moon, clutching the blanket to her chest.

"I could have been changing."

"Do not say that I did not warn you."

"But I never responded."

"Which meant that you were _not_ changing, Miss Granger. If you had been, than you would have certainly informed me. You are a woman."

"What do you want?"

"Could you sit up and talk?"

"No."

"Miss Granger…"

"I am feeling so… _tired_," interrupted Hermione, "no, scratch that out. I am thoroughly exasperated and will _die_ some time in near future. However, I hope not to join you in your no death, no life, and no ghost state. Wasn't that what you said? You are _so_ annoying, you know. Not at all like Remus. Did you know that Remus killed Lucius Malfoy after that arrogant pureblood killed you? And then Narcissa killed Remus and I killed her. But no one killed me, you know."

"You are _blabbering_, Miss Granger," said Snape quietly.

"No one killed me. They let _me_ live, you know. And I was the _Mudblood_, after all. I would have thought that they would kill me first, but they didn't. Why did Narcissa kill Remus? She didn't like Lucius at all. Why, Professor?"

"We will talk in the morning, Miss Granger. Try to…"

But Hermione paid him no heed.

"Was it because of _you_? Because she hated you more than she hated anybody? Was it because her good-for-nothing husband had died because of you? Why did she hate you? So many people died because of _you_, you know."

And for the first time she turned at her former Potions Professor. Her eyes were sleepy, sort of glassy, but she looked at him accusingly.

"Remus, Harry, Tonks, Percy, Ginny, Bill, Hagrid… Harry isn't really dead, but he is worse than dead after Remus' death, you know. And _you_ aren't. _Why_, Professor? _Why_ did you not inform the Order of Voldemort's plan when you knew what it would be? _Why_? Did you hate us all so much?"

Snape, even in his semi-transparent form, went deadly pale.

"And I _always_ defended you. I told them they were wrong to accuse you. I trusted you and not just because Dumbledore trusted you. _I_ thought you were a good man. And you… _you_ betrayed us… _you_ betrayed _my_ trust… _why_…"

Eventually, she drifted off to sleep.

However, Snape did not leave. He stood there – or floated – staring at the sleeping form of Hermione Granger with bewildered eyes.

Her words had hurt him worse than the strongest of Cruciatus. But he didn't hate her. She didn't understand. She was a child still. So protected by her best friends, parents, Dumbledore and of course, McGonagall. She won't know. She couldn't feel. But he wasn't angry with her. He was just sad – and it was not melancholy, it was a heart-wrenching pain which filled his inner essence with gloom.

Some time after midnight, he floated out, his mind not quite on where he was moving.

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So when he finally realized his surroundings, he found that he was standing outside Dumbledore's office.

He laughed mirthlessly as he went in right through the gargoyle.

x-x-x-x-x-"_Some day, old man, I will barge into your office without saying the name of a bloody sweet! And even a thousand gargoyles won't stop me."-x-x-x-x-x-_

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"Severus…"

"I am not dead, nor have I resigned. And no sabbatical for me as far as my knowledge goes. Then why is Miss Granger replacing me?"

The old man sighed and leaned back in his chair. "If anyone finds out what state you are in, Severus, it will be a very dangerous thing."

"Who says so?" snapped Severus.

"I do. And you know it, too. The best thing for you would be to not to appear in front of anybody. Not until we find a way to…"

"Completely wipe out my existence?"

"Help you on to the other world."

Severus swallowed and looked away. He so felt as if they were _planning_ his death! But technically, he was dead, wasn't he? Like Miss Granger said, if you aren't alive, you're dead… He had no business being miserable in this world and making it a misery for everyone else. The world thought that it was rid of him. He ought to oblige them, ought he not?

"Severus…"

"_Don't_, Headmaster," he whispered, still not meeting the wise blue eyes, "the last thing I need is sympathy."

"Death isn't the end, Severus. You have to move on."

"To hell?"

"To heaven, Severus. You have done much for your fellowmen."

"At what cost? It needed many murders to show me the error of my way."

"_Everybody_ makes mistakes, Severus. _Everybody_ learns from their mistakes, too. But very few are such as rectify their mistake. You didn't just do that, you gave your _life_ for the cause. Don't deny it, Severus. I saw it with my own eyes that you died protecting Harry."

"_My_ _reputation_, Albus!" said Severus dryly.

Albus shook his head. "I hope you haven't been hard on Miss Granger. Since she was the only one who really thought good of you, I thought it best if she was to bring you out of your wretchedness. Seeing that you are talking to me, I should say that she succeeded."

Severus didn't say anything. He felt the painful grief return as he remembered Miss Granger's accusations.

"What did she say, Severus?"

He didn't even ask how Albus knew that it was something she said that was on his mind. _After so many years, you grow used even to omni-potency_, he felt.

"She thinks, like everybody else, that I am the _only_ _one_ responsible for so many deaths. If I could have brought in the information earlier and forewarned everybody, then there might not have been so many deaths. _So_ _many_ _deaths_…"

"Severus, she is just a child. She cannot understand the complexities of your position."

"Strange, I thought her NEWTs scores were one of the best in Hogwarts history."

"NEWTs scores won't determine her understanding, Severus."

He didn't make any reply. He knew that he couldn't win against the Headmaster when the old man was out protecting one of the 'Golden Trio'. He had never won. He wasn't expecting it now.

"When are you going to start on the antidote?" asked Albus, breaking the long silence.

"I doubt if an antidote will work now. I need a counter-curse or something. I would go right _through_ the antidote."

"You're right. We need to talk to Filius tomorrow."

"You sure are in a hurry to have me out of this world, aren't you?"

"That's because I do not want you to fade out of existence. There are eighty percent chances of that happening in your present state."

"Why are you always right?"

"Because I am one hundred and fifty-seven years old. And now, Severus Snape, head back to your quarters. And if you would follow my advice, try not to bite off Miss Granger's head. She has been through more than she could handle."

Severus nodded once and then went out of the Headmaster's office.

For a long time, Albus Dumbledore sat staring at the door, as if it would open up and show all the solutions he was searching for.

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	2. Chapter 2

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**CHAPTER 2**

**MUTUAL TRUST – A BEGINNING?**

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Hermione woke with a distinct feeling that all was not right with the world. She soon came to know why as she gazed at the green bed curtains adorning the bed and felt the smooth silk bedspread whisper against her skin. It didn't help to know that this had been Snape's bed once.

She sat up and peeked out of the lush curtains. It was not yet sunrise, she found from the grandfather clock at one end of the room. There were no windows here.

Though this wasn't her usual time to get up, she got out to get ready for the day.

As she sat combing her hair in front of the full-size mirror at one end of the room, her mind wandered off to yesterday. Snape's rudeness aside, it had been a very curious day. She knew what Professor Snape had said was true. He couldn't be a ghost because there were still colours left in him though there was no matter – no solid body. The eternal black still enveloped him.

Hermione braided her hair and checking her appearance once, left the room.

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Not much unexpectedly, Snape was 'sitting' in the armchair in front of the extinguished hearth.

"Good morning, Miss Granger."

Swallowing her surprise, she replied, "Good morning, Professor."

"Professor Dumbledore desires me to tell you about my condition."

She sat down on the chair next to his. "And why weren't you willing to do that before?"

He shrugged. "I was mad at everything. You didn't trust me. I didn't trust you."

"So you trust me now?" asked Hermione, hopefully. She wanted all bitterness to end.

"That decision solely depends on you." He looked at her.

"I trust you."

He looked down at his robe sleeve. "It's a truce, Miss Granger – mutual trust."

"So… what happened to you?"

Severus had really didn't want to say this. It was, as he had _seriously _told Dumbledore, a question of his reputation. But he supposed that since Miss Granger had promised to trust him, she won't be going about telling his secrets. If what she had said was true, then possibly Potter didn't know.

"Lucius didn't want to kill me," he began, "because he hated me too much for it. He tried a combination of Cruciatus and the Dementor's Curse on me."

"I have never heard about the Dementor's Curse."

"It is the spell-version of the Dementor's Kiss. Surprisingly, it is a very old curse while Dementors are not supposed to be ancient creatures. You don't know about it probably because it is a very dangerous Dark spell."

"So he wanted to remove your soul from your body?"

"Not exactly. As I said, he used it with the Cruciatus Curse. Its combination created a deadlier spell. It is a nameless spell because it was created by the Dark Lord not long ago. He had planned to use it on Potter. But you know that Potter attacked him first so there really wasn't time for this."

"So this spell now, what exactly does it do?"

"It allows my essence – what some would call my 'soul' – to exist in the mortal world but not pass on to the next dimension. And as you well know, whatever exists in the mortal world eventually dies."

Hermione gasped. "He removed your soul from your body and decided to kill your soul?"

"Something like it," said Snape dryly.

"That's… that's…"

"Creative? Or since you are a Gryffindor… horrible?"

"There is no word for it!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide in fearful amazement. She had known that Voldemort was powerful and intelligent, but this was… unimaginable!

"So what do we do now?" she asked, breaking the contemplative silence.

Snape looked at her right in the eye. "We?"

"I want to help," she said determinedly. "I am sorry for what I said last night…"

"You need not be. Whatever you said was true…"

"No!" she interjected. "I was half-asleep and stupid! I am truly sorry and I…"

"Apology accepted. You need not meddle in my affairs now."

She was slightly piqued by his coolness. "I really want to do something to save your… soul."

"Miss Granger…"

"Please, sir! You said you trusted me! I know you want my help! Why else would you tell me this tale?"

Suddenly, a smirk broke out on his face. Not the unpleasant a-hundred-points-from-Gryffindor one, but you-are-cleverer-than-I-thought one.

"You succeed, Miss Granger. Yes, I needed your help."

She couldn't help but smile.

"What can I do?"

There was a wicked glint in his eyes as he said, "Take a hundred points from Gryffindor per day. Since I am not a teacher, the hour-glasses do not accept my orders anymore."

She stared at him for some moments. "Just a hundred? Gryffindors will win the House Cup at this rate. I have this aim of a thousand points from Slytherin per day, so I guess that fulfilling your command won't be too much trouble."

"How about going down to the Restricted Section and bringing all the books you can find on Dark Magic?"

The smile returned as a cheeky grin on her face. "Now you're talking!" she couldn't help saying as she turned towards the exit.

Snape stared after her, quite sure that the nameless spell had addled his brains and the grief of her friends' deaths had addled hers.

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Snape regarded the books that she had brought from the Restricted Section.

"So… which one of these has the highest probability of finding out about… whatever needs to be found?"

Snape was silent for a long time. Eventually, he said in a grave voice, "I am not sure that you ought to be reading this, Miss Granger."

"I confess," said Hermione, "that I have never met a person who changes his mind at the rate _you_ do."

"Darkness… swallows whoever goes near it."

"If you think that I will turn into Lady Voldemort by reading these," Snape winced here, considering the ambiguous meaning of those words, "then you are wrong. I have more self-control."

"It is not a matter of self-control."

"Then?"

"It is more of… individual responses."

Hermione regarded him curiously. "You were strong against it?"

"Presently, Miss Granger, we shall consider your response rather than mine," said Snape severely. "You might begin with the _Dark Arts – Medieval Period_ but if I observe that you are being affected by it for worse, you shall immediately leave off this work."

"Of course," said Hermione, already pulling the book towards her.

"And about your classes…"

"There's still a fortnight."

"The little fools have to be dealt with strictly. It is always beneficial to have lesson plans…"

"Finished with them."

"…and extra assignments."

"I'd start on that after I know what their weaknesses are. Now, for Merlin's sake, let me read!"

Snape glared at her, but she was already engrossed in her most favourite job. He could only gaze longingly at the book, hoping to read it some time soon.

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